Old Age rant mixed with plenty whine!

Hmmmm  I found out today that I have ‘reactive Asthma!!’

I have ASTHMA! ( yes I am shouting)

Sigh…I can’t help but feel that I am falling apart.

and I am not sure where to lay the blame.

So I think I shall place it squarely on both the fact that I had twins and that I turned 40 shortly after.

the Big 4-0 plus 1

Yikes the numbers stick in my throat everytime. ‘Cause in my head I am still only 19 maybe 20. hahahaha I have jokes.

Anyway ever since those two events my body has just not been the same.

I have to say I honestly didn’t think it would take me over two years to reclaim my stomache but it is 2 and a half and I am still trying. That nasty C-section just totally destroyed what ever feeble muscles that I had and now I have a gut and rolling over, wouldn’t stay sucked in gut. that is causing me no end of grief.

And I think because of the twins, though I do love them dearly, I now have nil resistance. Nothing passes me because guess what I am perpetually tired because the sweet darlings are only now at 2 and a half sleeping through the night!

Which now leads me to the idea it is because I am over 40 now.

Over the summer I had a kidney infection… a blinkity blink kidney infection after a really vigorous week of exercise. I was in the hospital for 5 whole days!!!! I was not impressed and then it took me almost 6 weeks to ‘get back’ to normal. It drained me so much. I felt like I was a pile of mush continually pinned down by a big fat thumb.

Oh and did I mention I also have the dreaded eye sight going dim. My once perfect eyesight is now seriously AWFUL. Fortunately I still can see anything that is a foot away from me but get any closer to me and if you are not a blur you are seriously hurting my eyes and of course my head! My constant companion is a tiny folded up pair of magnifying glasses, which I stubbornly rarely take out of it’s case. Sigh.

Still recovering from the summer but feeling good about exercising again I started at the gym again because quite frankly the muscles of my body are turning or have turned into mush.

And though I am killing myself on the spinning cycle and some mean classes of pilates I find that I have put on 10-12 pounds. Geez, I have middle age spread to go along with that God-Awful rolling over Gut.

This is the heaviest that I have ever been that is not pregnancy related. And don’t shot me in the scheme of things I am not overweight or obese but it just seems so odd to adjust to. I now have a backside that could possibly rival Beyonce’s… Oh shame (hangs head.)

On the positive side, seeing that I need new clothes to accommodate the spreading behind and corresponding gut this means some shopping would be going on. I could muster a smile for that

And now I have Asthma. Guess who will never step foot in a spinning class again! Yup you got it me. It is so tiring trying to breathe with bronchioles that congested and clogged. Not to mention it hurts. Sigh.

Oh and the piece de resistance – I think I am going through perimenopause. I have just endured 6 weeks of no period and the concern of being pregnant even though I had three negative pregnancy test and a good scolding from my older male OBGYN for not being smart. Which has now given way to the flood gates being opened and no end in sight of them ever being closed ( sorry for the TMI.) Oh boy.

I keep waiting to enjoy the great epiphany and confidence that is supposed to come in the 40′s as friends of Mommy Pants have been sharing but I can’t seemed to find it.

Maybe if I put on my magnifying glasses after taking a puff from my new stupid, stupid inhaler (that makes me sleepy while the prednisone steroids make me hyped, which if I think about it kind of wakes me up and I am not as tired as I have been feeling lately so maybe it is a good thing. Ok I shall Stop the rambling now.) Maybe then I could find the beauty of being 40.

Until then I shall still gag on the number and pray that the body can hold it together at least until 50 because hello I am having a huge shindig come hell or high water.

Phew what a vent I feel better now. Sorry to go into such a ramble!

So I go off now to take some pill or the other. Thanking God for life .

Keep good.

Crash

My insides did a waffle as I turned around to check on  my son.

With hands shaking like a leaf in the wind I reached for the door handle.

What just happened? My mind still in a fog

I know I hadn’t taken my eyes of the road. Yet still I almost missed that the car in front of me had stopped.

Fast, fast my feet jam hard on the brakes

I am so focused that I am cushioned in a bubble that buffers out all noise.

I am not breathing

The car stops.

Did I hit the car?

There was no crash. There was no screech. The tyres did not scream

Was this because of the bubble?

My son is wailing. I hear that . He is ok. I slowly exhale.

I step out of the car and say

Did my car hit your?

Taking part in RemembeRED – Flash Memoir. Take the next ten minutes to write about the first single memory that word calls up. Focus on the emotions and the experience, spend ten minutes really exploring that memory. Then wrap it up, publish, and come link up.

 

 

Oh no the hair.

Rowena sat slumped at her desk.

A curl, well what was supposed to be a curl, grasped firmly between two finger.

Twirling it around her finger, she glanced at the mirror across from her and almost gasped at her image.

A pouf of kinky, frizzy mass stood in place of what should have been her hair.

So much for channelling Halle Berry with that hair style, she thought, it was looking more like Ludacris in his early days.

She was feeling glum. And each spiky, frizzy strand of hair  seemed to mirror that feeling.

Not for the first time she wondered how closely twined her hair and mood always were.

She was a great believer that your best accessory is a great hairstyle. And the accessory in the mirror sucked.

A ball dropping on the desk brought her attention back to the melee that was her living room at that moment.

Children were piled high on the cushions that were no longer on their respective place of the couch or chair.

It appears that the game of Pirates had given way to a game of catch.

Geez, it struck Rowena that all those shrieking children were hers, four children who would have thought it.

She had been home with them all day and she was losing it. No wonder she and her hair were fighting the glum monster.

Yes she thought she would make an appointment and cut it all off maybe add a colour or two.

Halle Berry would have nothing on her…. well except maybe three less children.

With that thought she smiled and threw the ball back to the waiting child.

Change was good sometimes and it starts with her hair.

Taking part in Red Writing Hood this week. We were asked to write about hair. So many of us have a love-hate relationship with it. For some of us, it’s our defining feature. Whatever it means to you – or to your characters – we want to know about it. Just 300  words to write it in.

Not a NANOWRIMO winner

Well I didn’t win the NANOWRIMO challenge.

I started to beat myself about not ever finishing anything and not being disciplined enough

BUT then I realised the challenge itself is about writing and the decision to write

And I took on that challenge didn’t I?

Last week Thursday as the deadline loomed overhead and the realization that I was barely half way to the count it I conceded defeat to the NAnoWRI MO however not before acknowledging the following facts:

Here are a few things about myself  that I learned in taking on this challenge
1) Boy do I have an imagination,
2) You can fall in love with your characters!
and
3) I am not ready for guerilla writing and I am resigned to the fact that I did not win the challenge. Oh well still intend to finish the novel whether it is readable or not. LOL

 

 

Happiness…

starts with a smile or four.

Here are a few things that I am so thankful for.

Well actually five things.

Have a great weekend.

Ok I am a little bit late for Write on Edge promptThis week’s RemembeRED prompt from Write on Edge was to write “Where is your quiet place? What does it look like? What happens there?”

I didn’t think I had the brain space to do any extra writing because I have been attempting the NANOWRIMO challenge but struggling with it so I am taking a break.

But here I go giving it a try. 

~

It’s 10:00 o’clock sleep burns my eyes

I should be asleep yet still I sit, no make that lounge

most lights are off

save for one.

Left on to keep the thieves, the spirits and boogie monsters at bay.

the only song to be heard comes from the television

which entices me with entertainment and a chance for a giggle

All else around me is still and at rest.

Sitting here on the couch by myself

I am free to unwind, and declutter my head of all that the day brought.

Free of children and husbands with demands.

Right here on the couch with the remote in my hand

There is quiet and at last I allowed to just be.

 

Stream of consciousness- not accomplished

I am so far behind on my NANOWRIMO challenge.

I really not sure if I would be making the word count,

I should be at 33,00 words and …. I am not

I am fighting right now to reach 16,000

there are only 8 more days.

Oh sigh who knew it would be so hard to write something that is swimming around in my head.

I  feel like a failure I don’t understand why? because this was a test that i was just doing as a whim.

But it sure feels as … you never finish anything.

Oh well the positive I take from this is that I honestly could write a novel if I wanted too. It may not be great but it will come.

And yeah I have reached 16000 so maybe I can do it after all.

Ok I am laughing at myself now.

Duggars do it again

Sooo I may offend some but luckily my readership is very low on this blog LOL. For the few that do pop in and visit I am sorry if this offends.

I can not believe that the Duggars are pregnant again.

20 babies/ children wow!

First I have to commend Mrs. Duggar for having the strength to be pregnant so often and still be patient and smiling with her children. She and her husband should give classes on how to raise children.

Now that I have said that I think somebody should tell Mr. Duggar to leave his wife bloddy alone for a few.PLEASE.

Geez he is not giving her any time to get her body back up to normal before he starts hitting her up for sex. I mean really hasn’t her doctors told her that being pregnant so often is running her body ragged. I know mine flat out told me no more children when I had the twins.

I also sat in on a presentation and the presenter was very clear that the body needs time to heal between pregnancies and that if you are pregnant before your body is ready that you maybe susceptible to having a children with a developmental or intellectual disorder.

And people keep asking if the parents are able to give each child the attention that they need and I am sure they don’t. I only have four and I albeit not as organised or spirtual as they are struggle to give each person undivided attention. Having a special needs child myself and twins just about 2 means that the second child gets lost in the fray all the time. Homework is a disaster for me every night as it is just me and four of them. Mind you if they are smart, and I think their parenting skills are good, they would give each child a good quality minute. What I see happening with the Duggar children is that the older children take care of the younger children. So they may not be neglected but… really it is the older children that have to be the responsible one.

So my point is still the same Mr. Duggar please give poor Mrs. Duggar a rest!

UPDATE

I forgot to mention when I wrote this post that on the flip side I understand the joy babies/ children. I have had four and at times it isa bit depressing to think  that I wouldn’t be having anymore. As I said before find it had to give my children the attention they need as it is so can’t think of  adding any more. So as much as I still think Mr. Duggar could go easy on Mrs. Duggar I want to congratulate them on this pregnancy and I say a prayer that this pregnancy would go easy and smoothly for her.

8:00 pm

Tick tock tick tock

One last word  and this story is done.

I watch as the minutes get closer and closer to the time of sleep.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I lead the children in a prayer.

I pray the Lord my Soul to keep. 

Stop that I say! kicking your sister is not allowed. Feet are for walking and not for kicking.

If I should die before I wake   Get on your pillow and say your prayers.

no no no this is not the time to be flipping through books!

Clasp your hands and close your eyes. didn’t you hear me say?

I pray the Lord my Soul to take. Who’s jumping on the bed.

God Bless Daddy, Mummy and you too.

Kisses and hugs and water for some.

With a toss and a turn, eyes heavy with sleep close down tight

And at 8pm on the dot our house is now filled with sweet little cherubs  all rosy and round lost in the land of dreams

Now it is time for the adults to play.

Well considering I am drawing a blank with my NANOWRIMO project I thought I would join in on this weeks Write on the Edge Red Writing Hood prompt. Strange trying to keep the word count down for this . This week we were asked to take them to our version of 8:00 -AM or PM, fiction or creative nonfiction- in 200 words or less.