Wazhat! Wahzat!

Caught in a fog

11 Comments

Rowena rushed hurriedly down the street.

It was late.

Why was she always late?

Looking at her watch again she picks up her pace

Damn! she thinks, it is starting to drizzle.

She bends around the corner and stops short.

He wasn’t there.

The sheer beauty of the night, the romantic spookiness of the fog as it swirled around the benches and completely obscuring the beautiful church was  just screaming that he was missing.

How could she allow this to happen? She could think of nothing all day but that she would see him… all day? how about all month?

Gee it has been a month since she had last seen him,

it’s been one month since he moved to this beautiful city and it’s been one month since he casually said Come meet me for Mardi Gras.

Oh damn and here she was now late and he was not here, this trip is so not turning out the way she had dreamed.

Stolen kisses as they got lost in the parade. Hands suddenly finding each other.

Sigh.

Breaking through her reverie, like a gentle caress on her cheek, her name wafts through the air.

Spinning around, she sees him standing behind her.

Time seems to stand still.

She wondered if this is what love feels like. Those scenes in those romantic movies weren’t lying because she seems to have suddenly gotten tunnel vision, everything was overly bright and there seem to be only him .

Smiling  he reaches for her and all of a sudden she is being pulled into his arms. She looks up at him and knew standing here in this beautiful, some what spooky spot that she was lost and she didn’t want any one to find her.
This post is completely fiction and I have never been to New Orleans. It is based on this  photo prompt   from Write On Edge

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Author: kidfriendlyja

Exploring all activities Jamaican that our children would enjoy!

11 thoughts on “Caught in a fog

  1. Really yummy! My heart fell a moment as she turned the corner and he wasn’t there. I love the idea of being lost and not wanting to be found.

  2. Love it! Very fun – Who can beat romance like that?!?!

    I already enjoy your main character… and anyone who go so far when she really loves a person 😉

    It terms of concrit I would offer… less is more! There are a few places where you could trim some words to great effect:

    “It was late.

    Why was she always late?

    Looking at her watch again she picks up her pace

    Damn! she thinks, it is starting to drizzle.”

    If you remove the “she thinks” in the final sentence in the part above, the whole bit becomes nicely in your character’s head – including the “why was she always late” – which I did take for your characters inner monologue as well!

    Or at the end:
    “Time seems to stand still.”

    Just “Time stood still.” would emphasize your point more.

    Great read! Looking forward to more!

  3. Great take on the prompt! I love the ending too!

    This is really beautifully said here:

    “Breaking through her reverie, like a gentle caress on her cheek, her name wafts through the air.”

    Nice writing:)

  4. I love the idea of being so lost in love that you never want to be found. Your last sentence was awesome. And what a perfect city to fall in love in! Great portrayal of romance and that head-long fall into love.

  5. I enjoyed your piece. Your character was very relatable, and who doesn’t love Mardi Gras?! 🙂

  6. I like this. Romantic!

    You had a few tense issues at the beginning; you start in the past and then move to the present:

    Rowena rushed hurriedly down the street.

    It was late.

    Why was she always late?

    Looking at her watch again she picks up her pace

    Damn! she thinks, it is starting to drizzle.

    And then later on, you go back to past tense.

    Just something to keep in mind when you’re writing!

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