Hmmmm I found out today that I have ‘reactive Asthma!!’
I have ASTHMA! ( yes I am shouting)
Sigh…I can’t help but feel that I am falling apart.
and I am not sure where to lay the blame.
So I think I shall place it squarely on both the fact that I had twins and that I turned 40 shortly after.
the Big 4-0 plus 1
Yikes the numbers stick in my throat everytime. ‘Cause in my head I am still only 19 maybe 20. hahahaha I have jokes.
Anyway ever since those two events my body has just not been the same.
I have to say I honestly didn’t think it would take me over two years to reclaim my stomache but it is 2 and a half and I am still trying. That nasty C-section just totally destroyed what ever feeble muscles that I had and now I have a gut and rolling over, wouldn’t stay sucked in gut. that is causing me no end of grief.
And I think because of the twins, though I do love them dearly, I now have nil resistance. Nothing passes me because guess what I am perpetually tired because the sweet darlings are only now at 2 and a half sleeping through the night!
Which now leads me to the idea it is because I am over 40 now.
Over the summer I had a kidney infection… a blinkity blink kidney infection after a really vigorous week of exercise. I was in the hospital for 5 whole days!!!! I was not impressed and then it took me almost 6 weeks to ‘get back’ to normal. It drained me so much. I felt like I was a pile of mush continually pinned down by a big fat thumb.
Oh and did I mention I also have the dreaded eye sight going dim. My once perfect eyesight is now seriously AWFUL. Fortunately I still can see anything that is a foot away from me but get any closer to me and if you are not a blur you are seriously hurting my eyes and of course my head! My constant companion is a tiny folded up pair of magnifying glasses, which I stubbornly rarely take out of it’s case. Sigh.
Still recovering from the summer but feeling good about exercising again I started at the gym again because quite frankly the muscles of my body are turning or have turned into mush.
And though I am killing myself on the spinning cycle and some mean classes of pilates I find that I have put on 10-12 pounds. Geez, I have middle age spread to go along with that God-Awful rolling over Gut.
This is the heaviest that I have ever been that is not pregnancy related. And don’t shot me in the scheme of things I am not overweight or obese but it just seems so odd to adjust to. I now have a backside that could possibly rival Beyonce’s… Oh shame (hangs head.)
On the positive side, seeing that I need new clothes to accommodate the spreading behind and corresponding gut this means some shopping would be going on. I could muster a smile for that 😀
And now I have Asthma. Guess who will never step foot in a spinning class again! Yup you got it me. It is so tiring trying to breathe with bronchioles that congested and clogged. Not to mention it hurts. Sigh.
Oh and the piece de resistance – I think I am going through perimenopause. I have just endured 6 weeks of no period and the concern of being pregnant even though I had three negative pregnancy test and a good scolding from my older male OBGYN for not being smart. Which has now given way to the flood gates being opened and no end in sight of them ever being closed ( sorry for the TMI.) Oh boy.
I keep waiting to enjoy the great epiphany and confidence that is supposed to come in the 40’s as friends of Mommy Pants have been sharing but I can’t seemed to find it.
Maybe if I put on my magnifying glasses after taking a puff from my new stupid, stupid inhaler (that makes me sleepy while the prednisone steroids make me hyped, which if I think about it kind of wakes me up and I am not as tired as I have been feeling lately so maybe it is a good thing. Ok I shall Stop the rambling now.) Maybe then I could find the beauty of being 40.
Until then I shall still gag on the number and pray that the body can hold it together at least until 50 because hello I am having a huge shindig come hell or high water.
Phew what a vent I feel better now. Sorry to go into such a ramble!
So I go off now to take some pill or the other. Thanking God for life .