Wazhat! Wahzat!


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Call me nah

My birthday was four days ago on August 6.

I love birthdays I especially love my BIRTHDAY!

I love to get presents, balloons, long distant phone calls spewing off-key singing of Happy Birthday jingles, birthday cake, happy cocktails and friends around me to help drink them.

Sigh but I am a grown up now, I am still swallowing the fact that I am 47, and things change and I have to accept that so does the way I celebrate birthdays.

I got no phone calls! not one for my birthday

Not one!…. for my birthday!

I got alot of Facebook and instagram messages that were really nice and some really pretty and happy but they are not the same. I missed the days of plenty phone call from friends and family alike who picked up the phone and gave me a minute of their time. This year it became really clear that the people who really used to call were my mother and my father and my grandmother.

Well my mother doesn’t speak any more, neither does my dad and well Grannie has been with the Lord for four years now.

I only realised recently that I stopped having birthday cake for my birthday and it is because my grandmother stopped baking cake awhile ago. And a birthday didn’t feel like a birthday with a Grannie birthday Cake sigh

My sisters forgot to call as well 😦 and well my brother forgot all together that is was my birthday.

So while my birthday was pleasant and all that and I made an effort to enjoy the minute of things I was also very saddened by it and clearly still am as I am putting my thoughts to word.

Next year I am having a party at least then I have a say over the fun cocktails and friends surrounding me to drink them LOL

Mission for this year … get some friends!

Sorely lacking in the friend department need some LOL but that is a story for another time.

(In all fairness I do have a few so I am not that badly off. )

 

 

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A little bit of this a little bit of that

Look at me!!…..

I have only just realised how many persons have an issue with maintaining eye contact when talking to someone.

Just dropping off my daughters to school and saying hello to a parent who I get along with and she just couldn’t maintain the eye contact. Her eyes kept dancing every which way but to my eyes.  Having a child who has an issue with maintaining eye contact it has been been fascinating to see perfectly ‘normal’ people who clearly also struggle with it.

My father is actually one of them, I remember calling him on it once when a colleague of his came over so excited to see him and engage him in conversation and my father never once looked at him. Spoke to him but no eye contact at all. My Dad response was hey he was talking to him why did he need to look at the man LOL.

Makes you want to yell “Look me in the eye ALREADY!!”

But I know that is bad because I know now that maintaining eye contact can be overwhelming for some people more than others.

Plans and Goals

I went through an exercise recently where I outlined my goals and plans for 2016. THis is new for me I never do this as I don’t normally think I need the pressure to actually accomplish the goals but this year I felt I needed to see what I want to do and plan it out. I have so many things I want to do.  Arhhhhhhh. That I am actually just not doing anything LOL. I am going to write more and draw and paint more but just need to start. And that is my achilles heel getting started. So this  post is me actually just starting and not allowing myself to have the ideas but shelve it because procrastination, fear or being overwhelmed.

As I said I have lots I want to accomplish this year which means starting, carrying through and FINISHING!!! LOL wish me luck.

Everybody is getting old around here!!!

This week is birthday week for two of the kiddies my two oldest as a matter of fact.

My boy just turned 15!!!! Yes 15  when did the time go. AND here is the shocker he actually requested people over! He wanted his friends to watch a movie with him. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of course. No he did care that it was old and what he watched last year LOL. I was blown away and hastily invited the two friends he asked for and he seemed to enjoy himself. Woot woot!

This Friday oh! that would be tomorrow the big daughter turns 13!!! Yikes my baby girl is going to be a teenager! She is also going to have friends over as well. Wow before I know it they would be going off to college and talking about marriage. Sorry couldn’t stop that wave of melodrama!

ooooOh I am happy to have taken the time to write this post. Yay!!

Hope everything is going great for you too! Have a great weekend.

(sorry if there are typos feeling lazy to edit :p)

 

 

 

 

 


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Not domestic!

My housekeeper of 11 years left me 2 months ago. ….

She left for a two very good reasons she was getting up there in age and her 90 year old blind mother was sick as well as the sister who took care of her. So she had to leave. It was the responsible thing to do. Sigh!

This left me however housekeeper less.

I have only ever been without a housekeeper when I was away in college. I thank my lucky stars that I have almost always lived in a place that it is expected that you would have help. A full time housekeeper, nanny, ironer, washer or once a month lady. All of my life there has been someone.

And I am not domestic. I do not like to clean, wash, hang out clothes, fold clothes, iron, mop cook or wash the dishes. I especially do not like to wash dishes. No matter how I try to put a positive spin on it I get no joy out of any of it. LOL

My sisters had a good giggle at my expense that first week of me trying to adapt to life without help coupled with water lock off ( we were going thru a drought) I was lamenting about how much I despised washing the dishes and my sisters were quick to remind me that I also hated washing and cleaning and the list went on.

Most girls fantasised about their wedding to Mr. Right and the dress etc not me my most vivid dream was getting a fabulously well paying career that would allow me to have a maid for each task. Cause I knew it just wasn’t for me.

But as I said it has been at least two month since she has left and I have not died and most importantly the children are all fed every day and the house has not fallen into disrepair. ANd my hair is still intact in my head. LOL

Because I have a need to always find that silver lining I have to say that by having to do it all I am more in tune with what is needed to have the house run smoothly. And I am getting into a rhythm when it comes to most things except maybe washing the dishes as I sit here happily typing away I am actively ignoring the dirty dishes that I refuse to acknowledge sitting in the sink.

I may never be fully domestic but I am feeling a bit proud of me that I have continued to step up to the challenge and push myself more each day.

And why you may be wondering have I not hired someone new. Well honestly it is because I am scared. Bringing in someone new means adjusting to this new person and praying extra hard that they are loyal and honest and do not steal and most importantly get along with and care for my children. And I know that God always and I mean always sends the right persons to deal with my children. I prefer to wait and see who he sends.

Until then I think I will continue to marvel at my ability to make some tasty 15 minute meals, fast ironing skills ( I am not the best ironer at all) not to shabby mopping skills.

LOL

 

 

 


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I am a procrastinator

procrastination

I suffer from this daily. Procrastination and for some reason since last year, I think August, lack of motivation. I have no motivation what so ever to do anything and yes that includes eating. Have you noticed eating requires a lot of thought, process and energy and most day I rather not do it… yes I am very good at ignoring stomache rumbles.

I miss my blogging, my writing and I have ideas and thoughts that are just aching to be shared yet nothing o I  thought that to kickstart me and get me back on track I would force myself to blog every day as part of
NaBloPoMo November 2015

But you can see how that is going Day 5 of November and only 2 posts. Sigh but I am at least making an effort which is better than giving into the urge to scroll through, Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram yes I am addicted to those sites oh and playing  Inside Out Though Bubbles (Shhh yes I know my age ) and Ruzzle on my phone.

Going to try to get that motivation going and get myself doing more and more and thus allowing for my other spaces to be attended as well.

😀

Two quotes  I have been enjoying today and no I don’t know who wrote them found them both on Instagram and they were not quoted.

“Be in love with your life every minute of it.”

 

“What the mind

believes

the body achieves.”

Good day all.


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On death

my father in law died.

4 weeks ago I went to his room to give him coffee

and he was dead.

I had never seen some one in that state.

Going cold yet still a tinge of warmth remaining.

Oh …. death is so final.

It was so unexpected to me, I was unprepared

i felt as if I was hit by a canon ball to the chest.

I was, I am so shocked by the tumble of emotions that invaded by brain mostly those of regret and remorse.

I don’t remember what I said to him the night before he passed I just remember being so annoyed with him because of his fan.

And it makes me so sad.

I really thought that there was more time.

But time was up

and now even though I don’t show it it feels as if my heart is crying.

A cloud of grey seems to have encased my entire being. I am filled with gloom.

I think the most surprising thing of all to me is how much his not being here has impacted me.

I honestly didn’t expect it to hurt so much.

and I never realized how much of my brain space and daily routine he took up.

I keep making meals for him or shopping for him in mind.

I almost feel like if I am losing my mind.

 

All those things that people say to people in an attempt to console the living such as- They are in a better place; It was his time; He had a full life so it is good. While can be comforting a little Really really doesn’t make it any better or easier for you the living. It does help the person saying it though ( I have learned)

Every single person grieves differently, reacts to death differently and manages it differently.

Yes it sounds like I said the same thing 3 different ways but it is different.

I have woken up every day since and thought ‘Yup, he is still dead.’ and I feel tears.

Instead of the grief and pain numbing or going away it feels for me that it is growing like a snowball would if it is rolling down a hill. Slow, slow and then very fast getting bigger and bigger.

 

I got solace from this:

grief

Death is just so final.

 

 

 

 

 


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Ouch

My dog.

My fifth child (as I call him sometimes) bit me.

Yes me! on my hand.

I have counted about 15 puncture wounds and one large gash.

A gash that required some sutures to hold the skin together.

It was such a painful experience.

I felt like a big baby as I cried freely, blubbering as the nurse washed off the wound.

As I sat there helplessly applying pressure to and elevating my hand going through my head was Stupid dog ! Why did i get bite? Wow that happened so fast! A perfectly normal Father’s Day Sunday just totally destroyed. Thank God it wasn’t one of the children!

Of course I know why I was bitten. The poor dog got his foot laced through the wrought iron grill and he was yelping in pain and thought I was going to hurt him more so he bit and bit me hard! Sigh

It was a really surreal experience.

Not having my right hand to use has been really frustrating and kinda humbling. I need help with everything from eating to bathing. Putting on clothes has been interesting, lots of strapless dresses.

i really wondered what lesson i was to learn from this experience and then I realized that for an entire week no one looked at me for anything.

I lay in bed with my hand propped up all day (I couldn’t even wiggle the other fingers for awhile) and it was okay. There was no guilt on my part because I honestly couldn’t help anyone because along with the pain the painkillers knocked me out which was a good thing because the stress of the dog bite experience cause me to wheeze which always always drains me.  And there was no guilt from the children as they were so traumatized by the whole thing they wanted me to stay in bed and get better. The white bandage was a reminder that they rather not see. LOL

But from the experience I learned that the house would not fall apart if I took a break. And I think my husband learned that I do do alot because he had to take up the slack.

I also learned that my eldest daughter can make a really good cup of tea. And she sure can comb her sisters hair well.

It seems strange to think that just maybe God decided that I needed to stay at home in my bed for a week.

Keeping a positive outlook

and happy to report that 9 days later I can type and write a little. I still cant over do but it looks like my hand would heal and be back to normal with just a scar to remind me.

 

 

 

 


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Inevitable

My father is here to visit!

I am so  happy to have him here. 😀

My father is the coolest, most easygoing , prayerful, giving and supportive person I know.

He has never been sick in his life…. his own admittance.

He has always been there quietly even though vocally he is a rather loud person.

From him I have my love of God and Marvel comics I can’t wait to watch the Avengers  as a result.

Though my favourite comics will always be Archie, Betty and Veronica.

My most favourite is XMen! He had every single issue 😀

Looking at him now, his hair almost all white streaked with just a handful of silver, dozing off on the couch

I can’t help but realise that he has aged at a rapid rate. He seems a whole lot older than the last time I saw him in February.

He is just a little more wobbly, a little more forgetful and a little more dozy.

and Oh my goodness  has he shrunk! I seem to remember him standing a whole lot taller than me.

Now dear I say it we seem to be the same height. No can’t be it must be the angle.

Sigh I guess it is inevitable that he will age, but while I enjoy him as he is now still loveable, caring, supportive and strong tussled with the wobbliness and diabetes and all that this disease is presenting.

I am fortunate to have memories of him being STRONG.

And now when he wooble I feel confident that now my sister and I can be the strong ones for him!