Wazhat! Wahzat!


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somedays

head_in_sand_2

Somedays

like today

I just really feel the need to stick my head in the sand

actually

today it feels more like dig a huge hole and curl up in it kind of day.

Sigh

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Desperate

Money is tight.. okay it is like almost nonexistent.

I have put it out there that I am seeking work. But nothing.

Honestly I have been feeling for quite awhile that the Universe is conspiring against me. All my graphic capable computers have died on me. (this one I am writing on is so slow it freezes with each Facebook click I do. Last year was all about Chik V pains and malais, then lets not forget the dog bite that had me incapacitated  for a few months.

Feeling desperate.

I know it will all fall in line in time but geez the wait is hard and I feel like I am failing because I can’t get this right. Well I am failing.

Yup feeling desperate.

 

 


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flaws

I am learning more and more over time that I have a few flaws… okay quite a few flaws. And one of the chief flaws which lines up right there along with stubbornness and argumentativeness is I think pride.

Pride in this way-I find it so hard to ask for things. Specifically I find it hard to ask people to do things for me or to give me something or lend me something.

I get sick to my stomach when I think of it.

I have had to step out of myself  more and more recently because I have needed to rely more on others than I normally would. Suffice it to say my head hurts alot these days.

But it is getting better.

Sigh.


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current mood

You ever just feel that everybody is just grasping at straws

walking through the  land with blindfolds on

and that no one really knows is back from front

or left from right

This is how i am feeling right now.

not knowing what is what and knowing that nobody else knows either.

What about you?

 

 


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Me no want adult no more

I really despise adulting.

For the record I really do not want to put my mother in a home!

I just want to put that out there.

But everyone, seeing that I am the eldest daughter, keeps looking at me to make a decision about her.

She went walk about today and I guess because she was being erractic and probably couldn’t verbalise where she lives somebody took her to the hospital who called my sister. She is understandably upset.

Sigh.

I wished I lived closer.

I wish I was rich

Maybe even wishing I had a steady well paying job.

I wish I could win the LOtto.

Sigh

I despise this adulting thing.

 

 


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A little bit of this a little bit of that

Look at me!!…..

I have only just realised how many persons have an issue with maintaining eye contact when talking to someone.

Just dropping off my daughters to school and saying hello to a parent who I get along with and she just couldn’t maintain the eye contact. Her eyes kept dancing every which way but to my eyes.  Having a child who has an issue with maintaining eye contact it has been been fascinating to see perfectly ‘normal’ people who clearly also struggle with it.

My father is actually one of them, I remember calling him on it once when a colleague of his came over so excited to see him and engage him in conversation and my father never once looked at him. Spoke to him but no eye contact at all. My Dad response was hey he was talking to him why did he need to look at the man LOL.

Makes you want to yell “Look me in the eye ALREADY!!”

But I know that is bad because I know now that maintaining eye contact can be overwhelming for some people more than others.

Plans and Goals

I went through an exercise recently where I outlined my goals and plans for 2016. THis is new for me I never do this as I don’t normally think I need the pressure to actually accomplish the goals but this year I felt I needed to see what I want to do and plan it out. I have so many things I want to do.  Arhhhhhhh. That I am actually just not doing anything LOL. I am going to write more and draw and paint more but just need to start. And that is my achilles heel getting started. So this  post is me actually just starting and not allowing myself to have the ideas but shelve it because procrastination, fear or being overwhelmed.

As I said I have lots I want to accomplish this year which means starting, carrying through and FINISHING!!! LOL wish me luck.

Everybody is getting old around here!!!

This week is birthday week for two of the kiddies my two oldest as a matter of fact.

My boy just turned 15!!!! Yes 15  when did the time go. AND here is the shocker he actually requested people over! He wanted his friends to watch a movie with him. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of course. No he did care that it was old and what he watched last year LOL. I was blown away and hastily invited the two friends he asked for and he seemed to enjoy himself. Woot woot!

This Friday oh! that would be tomorrow the big daughter turns 13!!! Yikes my baby girl is going to be a teenager! She is also going to have friends over as well. Wow before I know it they would be going off to college and talking about marriage. Sorry couldn’t stop that wave of melodrama!

ooooOh I am happy to have taken the time to write this post. Yay!!

Hope everything is going great for you too! Have a great weekend.

(sorry if there are typos feeling lazy to edit :p)