Wazhat! Wahzat!

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current mood

You ever just feel that everybody is just grasping at straws

walking through the  land with blindfolds on

and that no one really knows is back from front

or left from right

This is how i am feeling right now.

not knowing what is what and knowing that nobody else knows either.

What about you?




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Me no want adult no more

I really despise adulting.

For the record I really do not want to put my mother in a home!

I just want to put that out there.

But everyone, seeing that I am the eldest daughter, keeps looking at me to make a decision about her.

She went walk about today and I guess because she was being erractic and probably couldn’t verbalise where she lives somebody took her to the hospital who called my sister. She is understandably upset.


I wished I lived closer.

I wish I was rich

Maybe even wishing I had a steady well paying job.

I wish I could win the LOtto.


I despise this adulting thing.



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A little bit of this a little bit of that

Look at me!!…..

I have only just realised how many persons have an issue with maintaining eye contact when talking to someone.

Just dropping off my daughters to school and saying hello to a parent who I get along with and she just couldn’t maintain the eye contact. Her eyes kept dancing every which way but to my eyes.  Having a child who has an issue with maintaining eye contact it has been been fascinating to see perfectly ‘normal’ people who clearly also struggle with it.

My father is actually one of them, I remember calling him on it once when a colleague of his came over so excited to see him and engage him in conversation and my father never once looked at him. Spoke to him but no eye contact at all. My Dad response was hey he was talking to him why did he need to look at the man LOL.

Makes you want to yell “Look me in the eye ALREADY!!”

But I know that is bad because I know now that maintaining eye contact can be overwhelming for some people more than others.

Plans and Goals

I went through an exercise recently where I outlined my goals and plans for 2016. THis is new for me I never do this as I don’t normally think I need the pressure to actually accomplish the goals but this year I felt I needed to see what I want to do and plan it out. I have so many things I want to do.  Arhhhhhhh. That I am actually just not doing anything LOL. I am going to write more and draw and paint more but just need to start. And that is my achilles heel getting started. So this  post is me actually just starting and not allowing myself to have the ideas but shelve it because procrastination, fear or being overwhelmed.

As I said I have lots I want to accomplish this year which means starting, carrying through and FINISHING!!! LOL wish me luck.

Everybody is getting old around here!!!

This week is birthday week for two of the kiddies my two oldest as a matter of fact.

My boy just turned 15!!!! Yes 15  when did the time go. AND here is the shocker he actually requested people over! He wanted his friends to watch a movie with him. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles of course. No he did care that it was old and what he watched last year LOL. I was blown away and hastily invited the two friends he asked for and he seemed to enjoy himself. Woot woot!

This Friday oh! that would be tomorrow the big daughter turns 13!!! Yikes my baby girl is going to be a teenager! She is also going to have friends over as well. Wow before I know it they would be going off to college and talking about marriage. Sorry couldn’t stop that wave of melodrama!

ooooOh I am happy to have taken the time to write this post. Yay!!

Hope everything is going great for you too! Have a great weekend.

(sorry if there are typos feeling lazy to edit :p)






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Not domestic!

My housekeeper of 11 years left me 2 months ago. ….

She left for a two very good reasons she was getting up there in age and her 90 year old blind mother was sick as well as the sister who took care of her. So she had to leave. It was the responsible thing to do. Sigh!

This left me however housekeeper less.

I have only ever been without a housekeeper when I was away in college. I thank my lucky stars that I have almost always lived in a place that it is expected that you would have help. A full time housekeeper, nanny, ironer, washer or once a month lady. All of my life there has been someone.

And I am not domestic. I do not like to clean, wash, hang out clothes, fold clothes, iron, mop cook or wash the dishes. I especially do not like to wash dishes. No matter how I try to put a positive spin on it I get no joy out of any of it. LOL

My sisters had a good giggle at my expense that first week of me trying to adapt to life without help coupled with water lock off ( we were going thru a drought) I was lamenting about how much I despised washing the dishes and my sisters were quick to remind me that I also hated washing and cleaning and the list went on.

Most girls fantasised about their wedding to Mr. Right and the dress etc not me my most vivid dream was getting a fabulously well paying career that would allow me to have a maid for each task. Cause I knew it just wasn’t for me.

But as I said it has been at least two month since she has left and I have not died and most importantly the children are all fed every day and the house has not fallen into disrepair. ANd my hair is still intact in my head. LOL

Because I have a need to always find that silver lining I have to say that by having to do it all I am more in tune with what is needed to have the house run smoothly. And I am getting into a rhythm when it comes to most things except maybe washing the dishes as I sit here happily typing away I am actively ignoring the dirty dishes that I refuse to acknowledge sitting in the sink.

I may never be fully domestic but I am feeling a bit proud of me that I have continued to step up to the challenge and push myself more each day.

And why you may be wondering have I not hired someone new. Well honestly it is because I am scared. Bringing in someone new means adjusting to this new person and praying extra hard that they are loyal and honest and do not steal and most importantly get along with and care for my children. And I know that God always and I mean always sends the right persons to deal with my children. I prefer to wait and see who he sends.

Until then I think I will continue to marvel at my ability to make some tasty 15 minute meals, fast ironing skills ( I am not the best ironer at all) not to shabby mopping skills.





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Wake up

A while back, okay maybe a few years ago I felt like God was telling me to wake at 5:00am to start my day. To pray, meditate, exercise to get me into a good frame of mind for the day I guess.

But 5:00am is hard for me. I can’t function if I wake a minute before 6. Strangest thing. My body and mind is not wired that way. I need 8 hours of sleep.

But you know God he is patient and takes his time and then he has a whale swallow you up so that you can really consider his position. LOL

First he gave me twin girls who didn’t like the idea of sleep so I find that I adjusted to needing less sleep but still waking at 5am was hard. And then the big daughter started high school and the bell rings at 7:20 so I started setting an alarm at 5:30 and letting it snooze at least twice.

And lately God has decided enough is enough and he has been waking me up at 4:00am.

Yes I said 4. Brain alert and thinking, eyes wanting to pop open. BUT. I stay in my bed.

And at 5 I am up and out.

Today Saturday is no different.

Honestly though I am enjoying the quiet, the meditation and the sunrises. And most of all the calm that I think it is instilling in me. Thank you God.


“This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.””Ephesian 5:14

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None of it is original

I believe in the theory that all ideas and innovations exist in a deep swirling pool lurking somewhere over our heads that is available for all of us to dip into. It is quite possible for more than one person to reach for the same idea at the same time. Because each person is different the results usually comes out vastly different.

Well that is assuming that each person does something with the idea.

I am reminded of this on a daily basis. Just today in fact I was playing with an idea for some Christmas cards (along with my writing I am attempting to reboot my artistic painting side) and as I open my instagram there is a similar look to what I was thinking. Arrrgggh.

Fortunately, I have adopted another philosophy- Your work will always be different, even the result looks similar to someones reproduction,  simply because you are different and you put your stamp on it.


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To give or not to give

Deuteronomy 15:7 – 11
7 If there be among you a poor man of one of thy brethren within any of thy gates in thy land which the LORD thy God giveth thee, thou shalt not harden thine heart, nor shut thine hand from thy poor brother:
8 But thou shalt open thine hand wide unto him, and shalt surely lend him sufficient for his need, [in that] which he wanteth.
9 Beware that there be not a thought in thy wicked heart, saying, The seventh year, the year of release, is at hand; and thine eye be evil against thy poor brother, and thou givest him nought; and he cry unto the LORD against thee, and it be sin unto thee.
10 Thou shalt surely give him, and thine heart shall not be grieved when thou givest unto him: because that for this thing the LORD thy God shall bless thee in all thy works, and in all that thou puttest thine hand unto.
11 For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land.

I struggle with this daily. Not because I don’t want to give. If i have I share. Even if I don’t have I figure out how to share it is how I have been raised.

However where I live now it is not really the most wise thing to be so generous. My neighbourhood can be described as middle class residential.  And in the Caribbean residential areas are unfortunately riddled with petty thievery or full on break-ins, robbery and very creative begging.

One day I went outside and to my horror there was this man intently rummaging through my garbage. Did I mention I was horrified?! I instantly called to  him to stop and move away from the garbage bins and his response… “But I am hungry!”

I was crushed, I couldn’t fathom the depths you have to be in to not care where you get your meal as long as you could eat.

So I have three unsavoury, dirty and possibly mentally ill persons that come to my gate at least once a week and I give them a sandwich, a drink or a plate from the pot. I do this and I feel good but I also feel apprehension because as much as I want to help I also don’t want them to become too familiar or worse do something wacky like jump the gate and harm us.

My neighbours and the gardener don’t appreciate that I do this. Doesn’t help that it is the Christmas season and that means that crime tends to step up. Add an unfortunate robbery turned tragic and now even my family is No more giving food at the gate. No More.

Which brings me to my quandary. Wanting to give. to share . But not wanting to be used. And wanting to be safe.